Month: February 2017

You Shall Not Oppress The Stranger: My Call for Respect and Dignity for Transgendered People

I don’t know what it’s like to be a transgendered person.  I’ve always felt that my body and gender are one and the same and simply who I am.  That’s not true for everyone, which I think some people view as suspect since they’ve never experienced a disconnect between their body and gender.

I’m certainly no expert on this subject.  When the terms cis-male came up in a recent conversation I had to ask one of my friends what that meant (a cis-male is a non-transgendered male). However, I have encountered a few transgendered people and I’ve gotten some glimpses into their lives that have shaped my thoughts.

My first memory of encountering a transgendered person was almost 20 years ago when I was working nights as an Emergency Room volunteer at Tallahassee Memorial Hospital.  A biological male dressed in women’s clothing was brought in after having been physically attacked when leaving a bar.  The beating was vicious.  The police brought him in, but it was clear to me that they had no interest in finding the people who attacked this person. I remember one of the nurses making a derogatory statement about how he should have expected the beating. I remember that when the man was discharged, nobody offered him fresh clothes and nobody came to pick him up and carry him home.  He was left to walk out through the waiting room with his bandaged face and wearing the blood stained and torn dress he’d been wearing when attacked.

A short time later, a woman who was transitioning to being male came to work at the computer center where I worked during the evenings while I was in school. The way I understood the story, he was a state employee who worked as a computer programmer.  None of the state agencies wanted him and our director had offered him a position.  He wasn’t allowed to work in the cube farm with the other programmers, but was kept isolated in a small windowless former storage room.

My next encounter with a transgendered person was when I represented a young effeminate black teenager who had been expelled from the Leon County school system after getting into a conflict with his school principal over his wearing skirts to school. The young man was in foster care, living in a group home, because his mother wouldn’t stop beating him with a belt in order to stop him from being such a sissy.

When people discuss the rights and protections of transgendered people, I think of the transgendered people I’ve known, the difficulties they’ve faced, and the harms they’ve suffered.  As a result, I am absolutely certain in the moral righteousness of providing whatever legal protections are necessary to allow transgendered people to live their lives with dignity and without fear of harm or persecution.  The bathroom issue gets no traction with me.  To limit someone’s bathroom choice based upon their birth gender, rather than the gender in which they live their life, is not rooted in protection for anyone, but in a denial of the reality of transgender issues and the hardships transgendered people face.  Simply put, it’s rooted in ignorance and xenophobia.

Throughout history people have attacked those who live outside the mainstream. Those who are different are so often used as the scapegoats upon which society focuses its fears and prejudices.  Transgendered people are the proverbial strangers in the mainstream where most of us exist, which makes it sadly ironic that so many who seek to oppress and reject them claim to be religious people. Repeatedly, the Bible tells its readers not to oppress the stranger, but to protect the stranger.  Not oppressing the stranger is the most repeated Biblical commandment. It is the central message of Western religious thought. Refusing someone the right to use the bathroom consistent with their identity is oppression, even more so when one is talking about school children.  Sadly, those who hold power in the United States today have missed this fundamental lesson of religious and historical morality and are using their power to incite hatred and abuse upon the most vulnerable members of our society.

 

Happiness in An Unhappy Profession

Associate Attorney is the Most Unhappy Occupation

I’m a happy person working in a profession that includes what some have called the most unhappy job in America.  According to an article published on the Above The Law legal blog, the most unhappy job in America is associate attorney.  To be fair, I’m not now, nor have I ever been, an associate attorney.  An associate attorney is a lawyer who works in a law firm as an employee.  The closest I’ve ever come is the almost two years I spent working as an assistant public defender immediately after law school. I loved the Public Defender’s Office.  The work was intense, I was in court every single day, and my co-workers were great.

I really love being a lawyer despite what the researchers say.  Sure, it’s a lot of difficult hard work. Being a self-employed lawyer is risky with lots of ups and downs.  Sometimes it’s heartbreaking because I don’t always win and I argue from the heart.  It always hurts when a judge or a jury rejects an argument that I’ve spent days researching and crafting. I’ve had to learn to pick myself up, shake off the damage, and keep going.

I’m not wealthy, and my income is very modest compared to most lawyers, but I don’t feel at all impoverished. Instead, I feel incredibly fortunate.  I get to work at home a lot where I sit at my desk in shorts and a comfortable shirt with my dog at my feet and my cat occasionally interrupting me with a jog across my keyboard.  I get to work with my wife, who challenges and supports me in every way.  I chose my clients and the cases on which I want to work.   I have complete control over the tools I use from the pens we buy for the office to the software we use.  I even get to choose my working hours and I can take off as much time off as I’d like and can afford.

I don’t really understand being unhappy as a lawyer because I find what we do to be so incredibly interesting.  Legal cases are stories, often imperfect, always fascinating, and always teaching us something about ourselves and the world in which we live.   When I step into a courtroom on behalf of a client, I am privileged to tell my client’s story.  Each case gives me an opportunity to change someone’s life, and sometimes I can even change the rules by which we all play.  I’ve gotten to stand next to people who came to me feeling that no one was listening or cared and I’ve shown my clients that they have a voice and are worthy of respect.  Sometimes I can even persuade people to care about someone they’d overlooked.  My arguments don’t always work, but sometimes, when I’m in the right court, with the right facts, and the right argument, I get to change the world.  To do that once in your life is amazing, but to get the opportunity to do that every single day, is a priceless gift to me.

Public Interest Lawyers Work Hard, But Have the Highest Happiness Rankings

According to the New York Times, another study indicates that the happiest lawyers are public interest lawyers, those at the lowest end of the lawyer pay scale. Public interest lawyers make only a fraction of the earnings of firm associates, and are paupers compared to firm partners, but they’re the happiest of all lawyers.  Clearly, more money isn’t the key. The article speculates that the reason for this difference in happiness is:

“The problem with the more prestigious jobs, said Mr. Krieger, is that they do not provide feelings of competence, autonomy or connection to others — three pillars of self-determination theory, the psychological model of human happiness on which the study was based. Public-service jobs do.”

I think there is truth to this speculation. I love the opportunities for self-determination and autonomy that my work provides.  Most valuable of all to me is the connection my work creates for me with my clients, other lawyers, the judges before whom I practice, and the community in which I live.

I didn’t consciously chose the pathway to happiness when I started my legal career.  My life is really a product of happy circumstance combined with what I often see as a somewhat selfish tendency to choose experience over monetary benefit.  I would rather scrape by in a job that I feel makes a difference, than do unfulfilling work that pays a lot of money.  I am also aware that I’m very fortunate because I get to make that choice. So far, I’m happy with the outcome, so I guess I’ll just keep on doing what I’ve been doing.

 

 

Lessons I Learned As a Synagogue President That Might Help Donald Trump

“Good” v. “Bad” Leaders

I am an unlikely synagogue president and Donald Trump is an unlikely American President.  Prior to becoming president of my small lay-led shul a little over a year ago, I was only marginally involved.  I didn’t attend services regularly and I wasn’t active with any committees or organizations. Prior to his campaign and election as president, Donald Trump had no involvement in government.  Like Donald Trump, I came into office as an outsider seeking to create change.

My transition into the role as synagogue president was difficult at first and often bumpy. For a while it seemed like constant conflict. I know that some people had serious concerns that I was going to single-handedly destroy the Congregation through changes that I felt were necessary for ensuring our survival.  As I watch Donald Trump’s first few days in office, I think of the mistakes I made and the lessons I’ve learned. Like Trump I’ve run a business, but leading a synagogue, like leading a nation, is a completely different experience. I don’t know who is advising Trump but if I were asked what advice I would give him, here is what I would say:

  • Go Slowly – You’re the new kid on the block. It’s very tempting to want to change everything at once, but change often frightens people. To accept your leadership through change, people have to trust you, and that trust has to be earned. Start will small low-risk changes, then move onto the bigger projects.  Unless there is an immediate crisis that cannot wait, take the time to build consensus and to carefully examine your ideas as you gain institutional knowledge.
  • Find Your Mentors – Seek out those who have been around a while and seek their guidance. Their advice can save you a lot of work and heartache since they know how things work, how to get things done, and what hasn’t worked in the past.
  • Ignore the hateful comments – Nothing good comes from a leader responding to hateful statements. Remember, you hold the power that comes with your office, the people criticizing you don’t have that power. A rude response just makes the leader look like a bully. You have to accept that any time you occupy a leadership position people are going to sometimes disagree with you.  That disagreement is sometimes expressed in angry hateful ways.  You have to be above it, but it’s not always easy.
  • Throw your opponents a bone every now and then – There will always be people who oppose your vison and ideas. Their input is valuable because they’re often the first to see the weaknesses in a proposed plan of action or change. Don’t fight them on everything. Give them a place at the table and an opportunity to contribute.  Besides, you may need their goodwill someday.  Midterm elections can drastically change the balance of power and the good will you build today can be essential to making any progress later.
  • Rules Are Your Friend – Complying with rules that sometimes seem like outdated impediments to implementing your vision can be frustrating, but is absolutely necessary. As a leader, you have to do all you can to protect the organization and the integrity of the office you hold. If you want to lead with any legitimate authority, the rules have to govern you even more than the people you lead.  Following the rules communicates that you are not a tyrant, but an ethical and principled leader.  I frequently remind my board: “Principles before personalities”.
  • Beware the late-night email – I’ve learned that if I get an email from a board member or congregant that is sent after 10pm at night it’s probably a long angry message peppered with insults. These emails can be hurtful. Fortunately, I don’t get many of these anymore, but when I do, I’ve learned to take a deep breath and under no circumstances do I send my own late-night angry response.  I usually give it a day or so and then I either call the person or I invite them to coffee to discuss their upset. So far, I’ve only had one person with whom I couldn’t improve things by sitting down and talking.
  • It’s Not About You – Things are going to happen that are out of your control or that you didn’t anticipate. You will often get the blame or the credit for these events.  Share the credit, shoulder the blame, and move on.  You’re only a temporary occupant of an office that will continue long after your term ends.

Monday Morning Spirit Lift!

Lots of people have been feeling down lately.  Maybe their team lost a big game in a stunning upset, or the news coming out of DC has got them down.  Instead of the regular blog post, this week I offer you a short video that I hope will make you smile and forget your troubles for a moment.  I invite you to take a walk in the woods with my dog, Banjo. In his world, there is nothing better than a walk in the forest on a sunny day.